I Can't Be Who You Are
by esprit hikari
Summary: Ryou's experiences with the spirit of the ring at the beginning and the end of his existance. Slight RxB


Hey everyone, guess what? Another plot bunny bit me! I was inspired to write this from the song 'Leave Out All The Rest' by Linkin Park, and by the book The Host by Stephenie Meyer. I figure, if Yugi and Yami are conscious of what each other is doing, why wouldn't Ryou and Bakura be the same way?

By the way, this is called fanFICTION for a reason; don't complain if my facts aren't totally accurate.

Anyways, I own absolutely nothing.

* * *

I Can't Be Who You Are

_Forgetting all the hurt inside you learned to hide so well, pretending someone else can come and save me from myself._

The instant my father handed me that cursed ring, I almost dropped it. To me, the evil presence was simply oozing out of it in waves. Apparently though, my father had not felt the overwhelming darkness enveloping this object, as he handed it to me without any look of relief on his face.

Utilizing my tendency to hide my true emotions from the outside world, I accepted this gift without dropping it, which would have made me look ungrateful, with a quietly murmured "Thank-you father". I then silently moved out of his presence and went up to the bedroom, where I flung this object onto my bed to somehow rid its taint off of my hands.

Curiosity killed the cat however, and I simply couldn't resist inspecting the object from a closer distance, but I vowed to myself that I wouldn't touch it. Just sitting there, the golden sheen of it glowed outwardly, increasing in size the nearer I was to it. It was searching me out. I felt it, calling to me, encouraging me to touch it, to put it on.

Almost without realizing it, my hand reached towards it and picked it up. I couldn't help but admire the beauty of it, with the seven short spikes that dangled off of it with a slight gold glimmer. What I was not admiring was how that golden glow was slowly started to creep up my arms and surround my body with little golden tendrils.

I have no idea what exactly possessed me to do this, but an irresistible urge came over me and I put the ring around my neck. My body seized up as those once beautiful gold tendrils spun faster and faster around my body before converging and disappearing into my head.

I must have fainted then, because my next vision was of a giant empty room, the walls a pecular blue-green and stretching on for what seemed like miles. It was extremely peaceful, except for the fact that I had no idea where I was and what I was supposed to be doing. Not seeing an exit or entrance anywhere near, I started walking, the scenery not changing, and a strong feeling of peace washing over me.

All of a sudden the peace was shattered with the cruelest and most evil laughter I had ever heard in my life. I started shivering uncontrollably, trying to figure out where that sound was coming from. I _knew_ that voice, even though I had never heard it before in my life. "Ryou" it started, its voice dripping with distain "what a weakling you are. Your mind was too easy to overpower. I believe I shall enjoy being in here immensely". That evil cackling started again, and I was absolutely frozen where I was standing.

After shaking off this feeling of trepidation, I knew there was nothing else I could do but keep walking around this endless place. Time was impossible to tell in here. It could have been seconds, minutes, or hours before I finally noticed a change in the scenery. Gradually getting larger as I approached, I saw two almost identical television screens, albeit their images slightly displaced from one another. As I got even closer, these screens seemed to be placed directly in front of what looked like a huge control panel and the largest black swivel chair I had ever seen.

I snuck even closer to this chair when I noticed a pair of crossed legs hanging down in what I could only tell from behind was a relaxed pose. Who was this person? Where was I? and what were all these controls being used for? Still remaining behind the chair, I looked up at the screens. They showed what looked like someone walking while staring at their feet, from the viewpoint of their head.

I managed to suppress a gasp of surprise when I realized that I knew this viewpoint extremely well; those were _my_ feet, _my_ shoes, _my_ favorite jeans, and that was _my body!!!_This person on the screen was _me_ walking around outside, even though I had no knowledge or control over what I was apparently doing.

I (and I had a hard time convincing myself that, in fact, was me) watched myself glance around quickly and my gaze lingered on a reflection of myself in a store window. I suppressed another gasp, this time having to cover my mouth with my hand, when I saw how I looked. My normally soft brown eyes were angled in an evil glare, a look that had never crossed my face before. My mouth was turned up in some kind of smirk. With my shoulders hunched up like that, and my hair (my hair!) sticking up so it no longer surrounded my face, I looked positively menacing.

My body then entered that store, which was filled with various types of jackets, shirts, pants, and other articles of clothing. It stopped around a rack of long, black trench coats, and my hand reached out to feel the material of one of the coats. The price tag was revealed to the screen once my hand had found its location on one of the sleeves, and my eyes bulged at the price. Whoever was controlling my body didn't have a problem with it, and the jacket was slung over my arm and brought to a back dressing room to try on.

The full-length mirror in the dressing room revealed so much more about my appearance than that crappy window reflection. My normal clothing simply did not work with the evil presence that my face reeked of, but the trench coat did a lot to fix that. With its collar turned up slightly, I, to make it simple, looked sketchy. That person in the mirror was unrecognizable as the once innocent demeanor I usually possess.

My face revealed no emotion whatsoever in the mirror as I watched my left hand drift down to the right sleeve and rip off the price tag. Still wearing the trench coat, my body quickly left the store and made its way up the dark street. I could not believe it, I had stolen. I couldn't help the flare of guilt that sprung up, even though I was not conscious of or controlling what my body was doing. I felt my heart beat speed up as I heard sirens approaching my body from behind, but they passed without incident, unconcerned with the white-haired boy walking down the street that had just stolen an expensive coat.

The view on the screen grew more familiar to me as I realized I was in my neighborhood. I watched as my hand grasped the doorknob to my house, and I prayed my dad would not be awake to catch me from sneaking out. I slipped up to my bedroom, and saw my body just standing there, staring at my mirror, that same evil smirk plastered over my face.

The black chair then started to spin slowly, giving me the first glance of the person sitting in the chair, and controlling my body. I didn't bother to suppress this gasp as I instantly recognized who that was. Those same dark eyes, slanted upwards, accentuating that smirk of triumph on his face. His posture open, yet menacing, with one hand supporting the side of his face, the other hanging languidly off one of the arms of the chair. He looked like he could have been my evil older brother. He felt like my evil twin.

I could only stare for a minute or too, then I became angry; my blood coursed through my veins, my hands balled up in fists, my eyes only a vague imitation of the pure evil so casually resting on the other man's face. "Who are you?" I practically yelled to this stranger "and what are you doing to my body?"

He answered softly, his raspy voice carrying more strength in it than my puny attempt at a yell "Hello Ryou, nice of you to finally join me. Do you like the jacket?" he finished, widening his smirk. "No!" I yelled in response "What are you doing? Why are you here?"

This man chuckled at my antics, highly amused by my efforts to get an answer out of him. "So many questions my little host, but no worries. I'll only resume control when the fancy strikes me. You will still be able to use your own body, but I will always be here, watching, listening, _influencing_ your actions." That laughter that sent shivers down my spine resumed as he turned the chair away, and I started storming towards him, dead set on forcing him out of that chair and letting me back in control.

When I was so close to the chair that I could have reached out and spun it around, I felt a tug around my waist and reappeared staring at the inside of my eyelids. I forcefully open them and looked around my room, not noticing anything amiss. _Ok Ryou, no need to freak out. That was simply a bad dream. There is no one living in your head, and nothing special about that ring_. I kept up this mantra in my head as I went to the bathroom to get ready for school. It was ruined when I re-entered my bedroom and noticed that same black trench coat thrown over the back of my desk chair.

With extreme trepidation, I reached out and grabbed the coat. Realizing that it was, in fact, very real, and very new from the feel of it, I grabbed it and ran it over to my closet where I flung open the door and shoved it in the very back. I felt the person living in my mind smirk at me, vaguely hearing "_deny it all you want little Ryou, I'm still here"_ and that horrid laughter still sent me shivering.

"Shut up!" I growled out loud, trying to convey my intense hatred for my darker twin. He only laughed more at me as I continued to try and force him to the back of my mind so I could concentrate on the rest of the day. I just knew he was sitting in that overlarge chair of his, lounging around and plotting for when he was going to take over my body yet again. I discovered the ring still hanging around my neck, but for some reason it would not come off even though the neck loop was more than big enough.

Surprisingly, my school day was relatively uneventful, considering that I had another person inhabiting my brain. I walked through the halls with my eyes downcast, but no one suspected anything since that was my usual behavior. In class, I never raised my hand, again as usual, but I was so paranoid that it felt like all my teachers and all the students were staring at me. To everyone else, I seemed no different from how I act on a regular basis, but I definitely felt different. I was jumping at any noise, afraid if I let my concentration drop then _he_ would take over.

At one point in passing through the halls, I heard a shout of "Ryou!" and I instantly tensed up. One of the few friends I've managed to make, Yugi Motou, caught up to me and started casually asking me about my day. My answers were vaguely muttered and I knew he could tell something was wrong with me. Fortunately, he could sense that I wasn't in my right mind, the irony, and didn't bring up my obvious discomfort.

After arriving home, I followed my typical routine and got a light snack before going to my room and starting my homework. I managed to successfully ignore the presence in my head, and the nagging urge to go into my closet and retrieve the trench coat I stuffed in there that morning. As soon as I set done my pencil with a triumphant "Done!" my vision started going spotty and I saw stars. I knew what it was; _he_ was pulling me back into my own mind. I soon lost the battle with consciousness and reappeared in that blue-green room, but this time, no aimless wandering was needed to find the screens and the 'control booth'.

To my surprise, the stranger invading my mind was not facing the screens. He was turned around in his chair and was watching me approach. Glancing up at the screens, I saw one of my favorite books cradled in my hands, and what appeared to be the covers on my bed. With disbelief, I looked back towards _him_ and sarcastically asked "What, no thievery tonight?"

The man sitting in the chair had an amused smile on his face, which surprisingly replaced his usual smirk, as she shrugged and said "No Ryou, I simply wanted to talk to you face to face, meet the host of this body. Is that so much to ask for?"

"Yes" I sputtered out "What gives you the right to be in here in the first place? Who do you think you are? And why me of all people?" "Well my little Ryou" he calmly answered "First of all you can call me Bakura, and don't look so surprised. I know it's your last name."

The way he casually stated that his _name_ was identical to my last name brought a look of shock to my face, which only grew as he continued talking. "What gives me the right to be here?" he continued, ignoring my expression of disbelief, "simply the fact that you put on the Millennium Ring. And you seemed suitable to my needs. Now, would you wipe that ridiculous expression off your face and like to see what I'm doing here?" he finished and gestured to his grand setup.

I closed my gaping mouth and slowly nodded my head as I made my way over to his chair and the whole electronic setup. It was surprisingly less complicated than I had anticipated, with only very basic, labeled buttons, dial knobs, and something like a joystick from an arcade game. Currently, the lights under both 'autopilot' and 'read' buttons were lit up, and that was in fact what my body was doing. I started to walk closer to the display, intent on trying a few of these buttons to find out how they worked when I felt Bakura grab my waist and pull me into his lap.

"Oh no Ryou, can't have you touching those, who knows what mischief you'll get in to! Don't worry, I told you I'm not planning any thievery tonight" Bakura concluded with a grin. The odd thing was, even though I knew this…spirit…was invading my mind, I couldn't help but feel _safe_ in his embrace. I don't know what caused this severe mood change of my captor from yesterday, but he didn't feel quite as menacing as he was before.

Time was still impossible to tell in this place, easiest to gauge by how quickly the pages of my book were flipping on the overhead screens. Bakura took this time to point out almost tauntingly what all he could do from his vantage point, using one hand to gesture with while keeping the other one securely around my waist. It was completely unnecessary; I knew I wouldn't be able to escape or overpower him, so I settled in as comfortably as I could and paid rapt attention to what he was saying. Maybe he would let something about his motives slip.

* * *

The next few years that passed were certainly interesting, to say the least. I got very used to Bakura's residence inside my head, and his occasional domineering of my body, but I did not appreciate what he was doing there. I managed to outwardly hide my pain from my slowly diminishing friends, as the voice inside my head put most of his evil plans that centerd around said friends into action.

For some reason, these plots of his also centered on a certain Pharaoh, and involved a lot of stealing, especially concerning the other Millennium Items, as he explained to me what they were. The even stranger thing was that Yugi was also very involved in these plots as well. Luckily, for both Yugi and my conscious, Bakura never succeeded while he was working with that blonde Marik character.

One day I felt a familiar dizzying sensation pass over me and I quickly hopped onto my bed before my body fell on the hard ground and I woke up with some bruises. Appearing in the now very familiar blue-green mind room, I made my way casually over to Bakura where he was staring at the screens, muttering over some of the controls, and feverently using the joystick. He then turned around to greet me, but his eyes held a more strange and evil gleam than I had ever seen before.

"Hi there Ryou" he started off, his voice turning into an evil cackle "I have a plan that will guarantee me supreme power and world destruction by changing the past and ruining the future!" I had heard similar words out of him before, but his plans never followed through. There was something different about his countenance, however, which led me to doubt my disbelief that he would succeed.

I looked on helplessly as I watched my body, still clad in that stolen trench coat from years ago, board a plane to Egypt of all places. I knew I couldn't do anything, because the second time Bakura stole something, I attempted to take over the controls, and he smacked me in my mind room, and surrendered control when he was just about to touch a pan filled with boiling water. I still have the burn scar on the back of my right hand.

I was frozen to my spot. I just watched as Bakura scrambled around the controls, somehow appearing over a giant game board replica of Egypt, with Yugi slumped over on the other side of the field. He was mumbling seemingly vague random words, but I had listened to so many of his plots before I could make sense of what he was planning. To my amazement, this one sounded like it could _work_. He held all the powerful pieces in this game, he knew what was going on, he was controlling the outcome, and if this worked, _he would get his own body!_

Before, when I would normally hear his plans and scoff if he thought they would succeed, I put up a token protest and watched as his plans crumbled from the efforts of Yugi and this Pharaoh guy. Now, watching him manipulate this game without any interference, I was almost certain that Bakura could actually accomplish what he was setting out to do. The even more surprising thing was that I hoped he would succeed.

Now, I argued with myself, why exactly did I want him to succeed? For Bakura to win would mean the destruction of civilization as we know it, the future as seen from this past destroyed. But to win would also mean getting my own mind back, not dealing with these lapses in control over my own body, being able to think my own thoughts, not hating my own reflection.

So with all those facts in mind, I made my decision, walked over to him, and simply asked "What can I do to help?" Bakura turned to me with that strange glint still in his eyes and smiled widely, gesturing me over to the controls. With determination, I stood by his side at the controls, offering advice and feeling quite devious when he used my ideas over his own. "Seems like I have had an effect on you, my little Ryou. You are much more skilled at this than I would have hoped for" he muttered to me, but with a sideways glance that looked almost proud.

* * *

I can't believe it.

Yugi and The Pharaoh managed to beat us.

I thought we were unstoppable.

We _were_ unstoppable.

The moment Bakura knew he had lost, he turned to me with a look of pure surprise, and trepidation. He stared at me for one incredibly long moment, then turned back to the blank screen, which indicated that my body was still lying unconscious in that tomb.

Time then stood still, as his next actions conveyed more emotion to me than the past few years combined.

He swept me up in a tight, suffocating hug that I couldn't return since he had pinned my arms down at my sides. I felt a few drops of wetness on my shoulder and realized that this once strong infallible persona was allowing himself to cry. "Why?" I managed to whisper out.

"_What am I leaving when I'm done here? So if you're asking me I want you to know; when my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done, help me leave behind some reasons to be missed. Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty, keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest."_

His arms loosened around me just enough to pull my arms around him and hug him tighter. "Never" I whispered, rubbing my hands soothingly up and down his back. He shuddered then, and pulled back to look into my eyes, his own filled with pain and horror. He then crashed his lips against mine in a forceful, demanding kiss that I couldn't have broken even if I had wanted to. Bakura needed this, and his desperation made this kiss even more intense.

I'm not exactly sure when I closed my eyes, but I open them quickly when I felt Bakura letting up on the kiss. To my horror, he was becoming slightly transparent, and I knew these were my final moments with him still in my mind. Fighting more conflicting emotions, a grabbed him and pulled him into another kiss, albeit less forceful, trying to show him how I felt.

As he disappeared, I could only hope for two things: my life back, and to be able to find Bakura again. No matter what the circumstances.

* * *

So…another fic done, longer this time, who would have thought it? If you've gotten to this point, I hope you enjoyed yourself!

I don't think this turned out exactly like what I had in mind (whose does?) but I'm relatively proud of it. I know I could have done some of the middle stuff, but I really didn't feel like it. To me, getting the Ring, and then leaving it seemed more interesting than the middle interaction stuff. So in other words, I fail at filler...

Again, thanks goes to the BPS forum for being amazing people and writers, and inspiring me to write something myself, even if this isn't puzzleshipping. The song just worked better with Ryou and Bakura.


End file.
